Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Free Winkie Committee urges everyone to sign the following petition:

We, the undersigned, make the following demands regarding Winkie, reputedly a terrorist and traitor, in fact an innocent stuffed animal:

* That Winkie receive a fair trial, and that all charges for crimes committed before 1924 be dropped, since this was before the bear was made.

* That those citizens who have screamed their wish to kill the bear themselves (with “bare hands” or other means such as hammers and chainsaws), be excluded from the jury.

* That the judge practice objectivity, perhaps by listening to the wind in very tall trees.

* That Winkie be served berries in jail.

* That the press refrain from such phrases as “bear of evil,” “terror mutant,” and “jug-eared Satan.” (Though “the he-she suspect” is at least accurate, as Winkie is transgendered.)

* That the Vice President cease calling for Winkie to be burned at the stake and tossed into a body of water to see if s/he floats, at least until the trial has begun.



Anonymous rumsfeld house said...

vigorous prosecution of this case sends a strong message to terrorists and potential terrorists: watch out. the best gauge that the strategy is working is that innocent people, too, are afraid of prosecution. when we all fear the law, we all benefit.

June 12, 2006  
Anonymous rumsfeld house said...

p.s. the only objective juror is the one who proclaims winkie's guilt, loudly and often.

careful that those who circulate or sign this petition don't find themselves surrounded by the angry flames of righteousness!

June 12, 2006  
Anonymous Tree said...

One can obtain objectivity by listening to very short, trees, too.

June 13, 2006  
Anonymous Lazslo Hirsuity said...

I urge the Free Winkie Committee--especially a certain member with a bewitching scowl--not to risk their safety by circulating this petition!

June 13, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I adopt Winkie? He will join Andrew, Max, Lukkie, Scotty, and many others who watch tv every day and take nice naps under soft blankets.

July 31, 2006  
Blogger deidre death said...

we really invaded Iraq because they had Winkies of Mass Destruction!

August 11, 2006  
Anonymous Andrew said...

FROM ENGLAND - Here's my Amazon review.... wrote:
"Alice" For The 21st Century, 23 Sep 2006
An extraordinary, undefineable, laugh-out-loud, cry-into-kleenex tour-de-force of the sheer wonderous nature of the insanity of our society today. In one sentence the author conveys the horrors of our modern world and yet reminds us of all we have forgotten about the innocence of our childhood. I have read thousand of books in my lifetime, and I can count on one hand those books I will keep on my shelf and read again. Winkie is one of them. We all have our own "Winkie" at heart, and it is truly amazing that a bizarre-looking teddy bear can alter my perspective of my own past, present and future. George Dubbya and Blair should read this book, and feel ashamed. You should read this book and feel totally and absolutely uplifted - If Winkie can pull through, then so can I

October 14, 2006  

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