Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Report on the third meeting of the Free Winkie Committee:

Bao pointed out that we haven't yet explained why we believe Winkie is innocent. Emily countered that doing so would only play into the outmoded belief that arguments are meaningful, but after a lengthy discussion she agreed that putting forth our case might be necessary. Following another seventeen hours of debate, we agreed to issue the following statement:

1. Winkie has been charged with a series of bombings that took place over the past 11 years. But before the bear's arrest, the FBI's Most Wanted List described the person responsible for these crimes as a middle-aged man, medium build, about 6 feet tall. As the mug shot clearly shows, Winkie is of indeterminate gender, quite old, of slight build, and barely a foot tall.

2. It is no more unlikely that Winkie is a teddy bear, as we believe, than that s/he is “deformed” or “the victim of some Third World disease,” as the prosecution has claimed. Freud noted the widespread belief among children that their toys are alive, and we see no logical means of disputing this. Or, as Fernando Pessoa wrote, “I consider it neither a human nor a literary error to attribute a soul to the things we call inanimate.” (Thanks to Ben for drawing our attention to this passage.)

3. While we can't rule out the possibility of an evil teddy bear, we do note the absence of forensic evidence in the case, including the prosecution's telling admission—later retracted—that no matching fingerprints were found on any bomb-making materials, because the defendant's paws are “evidently made of cloth.”

Free Winkie!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would give notice of the "evil teddy bear" argument. you always need an alternate theory of the crime. like o.j., winkie won't stop until he finds the real killer. in fact, a middle-aged man, medium build, about six feet tall sounds like o.j. himself.

is winkie into portugese poetry? i am impressed.

April 12, 2006  
Blogger Free Winkie Committee said...

bookfraud: 1. winkie has eclectic literary tastes but likes joni mitchell best. 2. we should have mentioned that the mad bomber was also believed to be white, whereas winkie is light brown. 3. we don't believe winkie is evil, though we understand why s/he might like to be.

April 13, 2006  

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